10 Recommendations to Save the City Money

10. Apply for a transportation grant to build a high-speed rail line between Easton and Lower Mount Bethel. This way the Mayor’s Chief of Staff will have a more relaxing commute as he comes into town to tell us how we should live. And he will get home a lot faster.

9. Reduce the city’s liability by removing playground equipment, not sponsoring youth athletics, disbanding the SWAT team, and draining the Delaware River.

8. Outsource tax collection to Birkheimer & Associates.

7. Require prostitutes and drug dealers to purchase business permits. (Everyone knows who they are anyway)

6. Open “massage” parlors in more of the city’s historic buildings to bolster tourism and amusement tax revenue.

5. Shut off traffic signals on days with statistically lower traffic.

4. Shut off street lights on evenings with statistically less crime.

3. Reduce the demand for city services by encouraging so much economic development that tax payers will be too discouraged to live here.

2. Place John Karoly on retainer.

1. Outsource the Mayor’s position. (An outsider like Roy Afflerbach is just the kind of new blood we need to turn things around)

NOTE: This consultation has been provided FREE OF CHARGE to the taxpayers of the City of Easton.